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The Game of Life: Personalized

by Jason Michaels yesterday





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Brain Filler

A Brief History Of Cars Crashing Through Walls On Sitcoms

by Jeff & Patrick 2 days ago


One of the defining characteristics of the traditional sitcom is the presence of three walls, which means driving a car through one of those walls is one of the most exciting things that can possibly happen. Here, collected for the first time anywhere on the Internet, are some of the most significant moments in the history of cars driving through walls on sitcoms.

Show: Full House

Episode: "Honey, I Broke the House" (Season 3)

Full House was a show that relished in the kind of wacky, "big" moments that drives a studio audience f*cking nuts, weather it be Rebecca bungee jumping, Michelle buying a donkey, or Joey going on a date (with a woman). It was inevitable that one of the Tanner brood (middle child Stephanie, as it turns out), would roll through Danny's kitchen wall. Note how, shortly after the car breaks through the house, young Michelle enters and punctuates the scene with a gag-inducing adorable punchline. This, it turns out, is one of the staples of sitcom car crashes-and not surprisingly, nobody did gag-inducing adorable like the pre-adolescent Olsen twins.

Show: Frasier

Episode: "The Innkeepers" (Season 2 - 1995)

You might not expect a show like NBC's Frasier stage the kind of four-wheeled mayhem featured in zanier shows like Full House and Family Matters. In part because Dr. Frasier Crane lives in a metropolitan high rise. But more significantly, shows like Frasier represent a sub-genre of more "adult-oriented" sitcoms (Friends, Seinfeld, Will and Grace, et al.) that's less likely to rely on slapstick for its laughs than the Tanners or Winslows. Then came "The Innkeepers", in which an elderly valet plows a diner's sedan through the wall of Frasier's new restaurant, proving that all the sophisticated observational humor the city can produce is no match for simple mass destruction. What worked for Urkel will work for Dr. Crane.

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Shortbus

by Justin Parker 2 days ago


 


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Wendell Blatt Goes Swimming

by Jake Hurwitz 2 days ago

She wants it.
Male Lifeguard: Look at that fat kid that just jumped in the pool!

Female Lifeguard: That's Wendall Blatt you gay idiot. How can you even tell he's fat, he's wearing a big t-shirt.

Male Lifeguard: Trust me, he's fat as sh*t. Why else would he try to hide his body under a t-shirt?

Female Lifeguard: Duh, it's more comfortable. I wish I could swim in a t-shirt, but my boobs are too big.

Male Lifeguard: Doesn't my nose look retarded with this sunblock and aren't my glasses too big for my pea sized head?

Female Lifeguard: Yes.

Male Lifeguard: I'm a gay ass loser and now I'm going to blow my whistle at Wendell and tell him to stop hanging on the lane line.

Female Lifeguard: He's not hanging on the lane line, he's resting for one second, relax. You don't know how hard it is to swim in a soaking wet oversized t-shirt.

Male Lifeguard: Oh my God the water is changing colors near him. I think he's peeing. Look he's looking around to see if anyone is noticing.

Female lifeguard: So what? The pool is freezing. I pee in the pool all the time. God my nipples are hard.

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Celebrity Now

Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

by Kate Spencer 2 days ago


Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the annoying conservative chick from The View shows off her bikini=ready body after popping out two kids. Too bad she's a mom only John McCain would LTF. [CelebSlam]

This is my favorite picture of the week - it involves British lingerie models and Sex and the City. CLICK! [CelebSlam]

Former supermodel Stephanie Seymour is not important, but her weird nipple-showing dress sure is! [IDLYITW]

Amy Winehouse was arrested again this week for more crack crap, not for this ridiculous outfit. [WWTDD]  KEEP READING


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Boardroom Speech at Stay-Puft Marshmallows Inc - 1984

by Andrew Bridgman 2 days ago

Gentlemen,


Dear God! I mean...dear GOD! This is bad. Like, I'm talking reeeeeal bad. Remember that time that kid found the severed head of a leper in a bag of our marshmallows? That was the golden age compared to what we're up against now. I mean, have you seen the news lately? Did you guys hear about this craziness? What the hell happened, people?!


Okay, I don't expect to have anyone in this room own up to it - I doubt its even possible that anyone in this room could be responsible - but I'll ask anyway:


Did any of you authorize the creation of a 100-ft. tall marshmallow creature bearing the copyrighted Stay-Puft Marshmallow logo and bearing a very strong resemblance to our mascot? Huh?

Johnson! I think we should cut funding to our "genetic modification" sector. Just in case.

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Today's Hottest College Girl Matchup

by CH Staff 2 days ago

Here is today's matchup. Vote now, these girls are counting on you!

Lauren
Brianna
 


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Moments Before

...German Cheers

by Amir Blumenfeld 3 days ago


Guy: 14 hours of travel later... here we are... Germany.

Girl: The country of love...

Waiter: HIER IST SEINE FLASCHEN!!!

Girl: OH MY GOD!!!

Guy: Let me check my book. Okay, according to this, he's whispering "Here are your beers."

Girl: Oh. Thank You!!!

Guy: Now we are supposed to clink our glasses together as hard as humanly possible and yell, "PROUST!"

Girl: Oh. Haha, Okay, be careful though, I can't get any beer on my black turtleneck.

They clink their mugs together

Girl: WATCH OUT! A droplette of beer almost landed near me!

Guy: Harder.

Girl: No.

They clink mugs again.

Girl: Okay, I definitely felt some beer land on my black turtleneck!

Guy: Harder. Now.

Girl: NO! This is my only black turtleneck. Our luggage was lost, remember?

Guy: When in Rome!

Girl: We were just IN Rome. We left because you hated it, remember?!

Guy: JETZT!!!!

They bang their mugs again. Beer spills over a little.

Girl: I WANNA GO HOME!  KEEP READING


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The Weekly WYR

May 8th

by Jake Hurwitz 3 days ago


It's my favorite time of the week, it's time for the Weekly WYR. See if you're brave enough to choose a side in what surely are the universe's most difficult quagmires. And remember, if you've got a great WYR, submit it at the bottom of this or any WYR article.

Would You Rather...

  • Work your dream job for no wages, relying only on welfare payments to survive, or sit naked in a completely empty white room from 8 to 5 Monday to Saturday for $5 million a year? From Sled
  • Take a dump on an airplane, or take a dump on a train? From george
  • Have the Darth Vader music play wherever you are, or have music from a 70's porn movie play wherever you are? From Lou
  • Get caught reading CollegeHumor at work and have a talk about improper internet use with your boss, or HAVE F*CKING FUNCTIONAL ALT TAB BUTTONS?! From Elliott
  • Be forced to notify those around you whenever you think of something sexual, or never have sexual thoughts? From Prieto
  • Be stuck on a deserted island with Bear Grylls, or Jessica Alba? (Pre-pregnancy) From Greg
  • Have a dinosaur that you could ride around on, or a dinosaur that could talk, but was too dignified to let you ride it? From Kurtis

Finally, this week's winner of the Jesus Christ I Hope This is Hypothetical Award is alex, who sent in this.

  • Make her get an abortion that'll make you feel guilty your whole life or have the baby and give up on all your dreams? From alex

Alex, we are all here for you.

If you have a good WYR, submit it below. Check back every Friday to see if yours made the cut.

  • First Name:
  • Last Name:
  • Would You Rather...

    or
 


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